Thursday, June 30, 2005
The year 2029:
- Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
- Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
- Baby conceived naturally ...scientists stumped.
- Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage
- Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
- Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
- Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
- Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
- 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.
- Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
- Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
- Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
- Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
- New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
- Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
- IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
- And last but certainly not the least: Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine
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